


Crawling

by Starthewolf1106



Series: Angst Fics [1]
Category: Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Child Abuse, Depression, Eating Disorders, Gen, Hurt Peter Parker, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Past Rape/Non-con, Peter Parker Angst, Peter Parker Deserves Better, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Mess, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rape/Non-con Elements, References to Depression, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-05-31 16:22:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19429672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starthewolf1106/pseuds/Starthewolf1106
Summary: Heavy trigger warnings for:RapeChild AbuseSelf-harmSuicideSelf-hateDepressionImplied Eating DisordersHeavy angstGraphic depictions of deathBe safe, and always reach out if you feel you need help





	Crawling

**Author's Note:**

> "Crawling in my skin,  
> These wounds they will not heal  
> Fear is how I fall,  
> Confusing what is real!"
> 
> -Crawling, Linkin Park

Peter thought he'd be able to escape. After all, it was 7 years ago. However, as he stared into the icy eyes of his tormentor he realized that he could never be free.

"This is Agent Westcott, he will be the agent assigned to your team." Fury began. Peter's spider-sense was like a jackhammer, slamming into his skull. He tensed, frozen to the spot.

"As you all know, each team will be assigned an agent, who is there to help you practice domestic tasks. I expect you to treat him like you treat eachother." Fury explained, giving them all a glare. Walking off, he took no notice of Peter's fearful gaze.

"Hey, there! The name's Steven, but you can just call me Skip. I'm 36 years old, and my favorite color is blue." Skip introduced. 

Nodding, each of his teammates unmasked themselves. After all, if Fury trusted him, so did they.

When it was Peter's turn, he simply stared, still and silent, before bolting out of the room. Everyone stared in shock as their leader fled.

"I'll go after him." Skip offered, an apologetic smile on his face.

"Are you sure?" Ava asked, hesitating.

"Yeah. I want to show him that I'm not here to intrude. I'm probably the reason he ran, anyway." Skip explained, placing false sincerity into his voice.

Slowly nodding, Skip headed off to search for his prey.

* * *

Peter ran. He ran like hell, his feet barely touching the ground. He raced to the bathroom, locking the stall door as he stumbled. 

His vision blurred and tears streaked down his face as he ripped off his mask and collapsed in a ball. Trembling and sobbing, he tried to calm himself.

_Phantom fingers ghosted down his body, as the older man's groaning echoed through his head. The thrusting of his hips and his moans drowned out the smaller boy's sobs and screams._

_Peter needed to run, his ~~rapist~~ was here. He was going to hurt him again, was going to make him feel dirty and worthless. Again._

He was snapped out of his thoughts as the bathroom door opened. Breath hitching and heart hammering in his throat, Peter curled into himself, trying to hide.

"I know you're here, Einstein." Skip's voice rang out through the empty bathroom.

"I know you recognize me. You know, when I first found you, I was shocked to see that you had become a hero." He began, stalking closer to the stall where Peter hid.

"You know, keep this up and your friends will get suspicious. They might try and investigate, and we both know you'd break under the pressure." He said, voice slick and tone eerily casual. He crawled into the stall, unlocking the door as Peter stared at him with wide, fearful eyes.

"You'd tell them, and they would know. They'd know about our... Past. They'd know what a little bitch you were, know how pathetic and worthless you are. We wouldn't want that to happen, would we now?" Skip warned, resting his hand on Peter's shoulder.

Peter willed himself to dissociate, wishing for nothing more than an escape from this hell. Memories played in his head, memories of abuse and of stolen innocence.

Closing his eyes and willing it all away, Peter felt himself slip away.

Skip's voice, taunting and malicious, warped and faded away. His cold, bony fingers became distant, and the sight of his piercing blue eyes was clouded over.

After saying something about the videos, Skip lifted Peter up like a ragdoll. 

Peter felt himself be led out, Skip's arm around his shoulder. He felt himself slip into a fake personality, with a plastered on smile that showed nothing of the horrors within. He let this fake personality take control as he hid in the corners of his mind, seeking comfort in the shadowy crevices.

Just like before, Peter felt himself long for shadowy blanket of hell, where he would finally be safe. Hell was safe because it was empty. After all, his demons were with him now.

* * *

Peter didn't know how much longer he could do this. Each day, his fake personality took ahold, using his body as a puppet. The imposter took over, and fooled all who were close to it.

However, at night, the real Peter broke through. The Peter who had hid away when his childhood monster came back to haunt him, his personified demon that took everything from him.

Peter trembled in his bunk, wrapping the blankets tighter around himself. He stared ahead with wide, fearful eyes. He jumped at every sound, and tensed at every movement. 

Each day, when the imposter took over, the dark circles under his eyes grew. He was pale and thin, his fear overwhelming every other instinct. 

When he did sleep, his dreams were stalked by a dark presence. This presence corrupted all it touched. It ruined everything it touched and destroyed anyone it loved. 

The worst part was that Peter didn't know if the presence was Skip, or if was him.

* * *

If anyone noticed his plummeting health, they didn't say anything. His team grew close to Skip, drawn in by his charismatic personality.

Fury and Coulson congratulated them on how well they were doing, and Connors stated that they all worked well together. 

Each and every one of his friends and family were decieved, just like him. Just like him, they were moths drawn to a dark flame.

May recognized Skip as his old babysitter, and complimented him on how well he took care of Peter.

Peter didn't blame them, after all he was the same way at first.

He tried to tell Fury, but couldn't bring himself to explain how he knew that Skip wasn't as great as everyone thought. May brushed it off as him being embarrassed that his old babysitter was now super-heroing with them.

When he brought it up to the rest of the team, he was met with hostility. They assumed he was jealous, and Skip convinced them to turn on him.

Hurt and alone, Peter considered telling someone the truth.

Each time he considered it, however, be remembered the threats and promises. He remembered how Skip said he'd show everyone the videos that he took, and tell everyone "what a fucking whore he was".

* * *

"What are you doing here? You're supposed to be doing a one-on-one training session with Skip." Ava growled, hostility clear in her tone.

Peter curled farther into the blankets, hiding his scarred arms and skeletal frame. 

"I... I don't trust him... We can't trust him." Peter offered, weakly.

"Yeah, you've said that already!" Ava snapped, causing Peter to flinch back.

"Ever since he got here, you've been acting like an ass. You've been ignoring him and us, and you haven't been doing your training. Your grades have dropped, and you've been super distant! Everytime we try to talk to you about it, you blame it on Skip!" Ava ranted. The others stared at them, torn on what to do. After all, Ava had a point.

Peter curled into himself, trying to hide. His eyes stinged with unshed tears, and his breathing intensified.

"You seem to really hate him, despite all he's done for us. He's shown us nothing but kindness, and yet you continue to doubt him! We all know what it is though. You're jealous of him, because he is _just like you._ " Ava spat.

Peter recoiled slightly, as if he were physically struck. Eyes watering, he shook. He knew Ava didn't know their past, but that didn't stop it from hurting.

Pushing past them, he quickly exited the tri-carrier and web swung through the city. An overwhelming panic attack crashed into him, causing him to tumble into a building. Gasping and sobbing, he scaled the side of the building. 

Collapsing on the rooftop, he struggled to breathe. His world darkened as the lack of oxygen slowly overtook him.

He felt like he was drowning, pure panic crashing over him like waves. Clawing at his own skin, Peter tried to ground himself. His mind was drifting to a time, a two-year torture, where his babysitter broke him.

Hugging the side of the building, he tried to pull in air, yet no matter how hard he tried, he only gaped pathetically. 

Peter needed something to ground him, something to take his mind away from the memory of being pinned to the bed and forced upon.

There was a bakery next door. A large, peppermint drink sat in the window sill, it's dangerous temptation too much to resist.

Shooting an unnoticed web at the bottle, Peter pulled it up to him. Sitting back, he stared at the bottle. It glistened in the light of the setting sun, calling him to it's lethal fluid.

Peter sat there, contemplating taking its contents and ending it all. He wouldn't have to wake up and face his ~~rapist~~ everyday. He wouldn't have to feel the hate of the people he once called family, or deal with the ignorance of the others.

He wouldn't have to deal with the pressure of acting normal, or the fear crawling in his skin. The old wounds that littered his soul refused to heal, but this could possibly erase them entirely.

The frame of reality was quickly crumbling, unraveling it's fibers to expose an inky void beneathe it. 

He heard the thump of people landing on the roof behind him. He heard Sam's voice, talking about how they were worried.

Peter wasn't listening. If they were truly worried, they would've paid closer attention, would've helped pull him out of his misery.

Peter knew it wasn't fair to blame them, and that he only truly blamed himself. 

"I'm sorry." He whispered. He could imagine Sam's shock, and could picture Danny and Luke's confused looks.

"Ava was right. I've been acting like an ass lately, and you don't deserve that. She was also right. I'm just like him, after all." Peter apologized. Subtly, he opened the bottle, and took in its painful aroma. Lifting his mask to above his nose, he smiled ever-so-softly to himself.

"Hey, uh... What do you have there, web-head?" Sam asked, noticing that he was coddling something.

Taking a deep breath, he quickly lifted the bottle to his mouth. Chugging it as fast as he could, he felt the pain as the toxic substance made its way through his system.

Staring in shock, his teammates rushed froward. Wrestling the half-empty bottle out of his hands, they quickly called for a medical team.

"Jesus Christ! What the fuck is that?" Luke snapped to where Danny was examining it.

"Peppermint." Danny said, his eyes dark.

"Isn't he allergic?" Sam asked, watching as Peter began to spasm.

Blood dripped down Peter's chin as he grew weaker, his eyes growing dull.

"No no no, stay with us web-head!" Luke shouted as Peter's eyes rolled back.

A S.H.I.E.L.D Medical Jet landed nearby, which Danny immediately flagged down.

Frantic, Sam carried his unconscious friend to the jet.

* * *

Ava stormed through the halls, still pissed from the argument with Peter earlier. Danny, Luke and Sam went after him, leaving Ava alone with her thoughts. 

Growling, she watched in slight satisfaction as different agents avoided her, fearful of her wrath.

This continued, until a particularly brave agent approached her.

"You're wanted in the medical wing." Was all they said before walking off.

Blinking in confusion, she shook her head.

"Probably another bad guy who I beat up earlier." She muttered to herself. As she approached the medical wing, she prepared herself for a scolding by Fury for being too violent.

What she didn't expect, however, was a hysterical May being comforted by Coulson. Fury stared forward. For the first time since she met him, he looked shocked and... Sad?

Sam rushed forward and embraced her in a hug. He was sobbing, while Danny and Luke watched on, tears on their faces.

"What happened?" She asked, shocked by all of this.

"Peter... He.... He's gone." Sam whispered, still clutching her tightly.

"What?" Ava asked, voice soft, yet afraid. A million thoughts raced through her head. Disbelief and confusion fogged her mind.

"He drank peppermint oil! The medical team announced him dead on arrival, Ava I....." Sam rambled, before cutting off. He sobbed into her chest, his grief overwhelming him. 

Ava felt her world crumble around her. A high-pitched ringing filled her head as she held Sam close to her chest.

Glancing over to Luke and Danny, she tried to find any indication that Sam was wrong. Their bowed heads and tear-streaked faces told her it was true, but she still refused to accept it.

Shaking her head, she took a shaky breath in.

 _They're wrong._ She told herself. _They HAVE to be wrong!_

Escaping Sam's grip, she tore off her mask and ran to Fury.

Gazing up at him, she tried to find words. Instead she gazed up at him with wide, reddened eyes.

Nodding slightly, he lowered his head in grief.

Stumbling into a wall, she slid down onto the floor.

Guilt filled her, choking out all other emotion. The argument, her treatment of him, the fact that she didn't even bother to be with him? It all crashed into her like a truck, leaving her sprawled out on a road, bleeding and broken.

Placing her head in her trembling hands, she let her grief overtake her.

* * *

It had been a week. Each room felt empty and bleak, devoid of the lively energy that Peter always exuded.

Ava was running her hand over his sheets, the sheets that had been left undisturbed. Grabbing his pillow, she lifted it to her chest. Hugging it, she took in the scent of her best friend, now gone.

Two small pieces of paper caught her eyes. They were hidden under his pillow, carefully tucked away from sight.

_"Dear family,_

_I'm sorry._

_I know I haven't been the best to you, and I wish I could make it up. However, if you're reading this, I can only assume it means that I'm gone._

_Please don't be too sad, after all, this was all my fault. I wish I could've told you, I wish I was brave enough to explain what Skip did to me._

_I can only hope that you one day forgive me. I've been suffering for a while. I haven't been able to find my real self ever since he showed up, so don't blame yourself._

_My walls have been crashing around me since before I even knew you. I lack self control, and I can't even tell what is real anymore. I'm afraid to wake up, and I'm afraid to be alive._

_The darkness within me consumes and controls me. I've felt this way before, and I know how this will end._

_My insecurities have lead me to hurt you, and I apologize. There's simply too much pressure for me to take, and I have no other way out._

_I'm sorry,_

_-Peter_ "

Ava sat on his bed, taking in the rambling of her best friend who knew how it would end. He knew what was coming, but was too afraid to tell her. Grabbing the second paper, she blinked in surprise at how short it was.

" _Check in between the bed and the wall."_ The second paper said.

Frowning, Ava carefully swiped her hand in the space that the paper said. Something small brushed her hand, and she pulled it out.

A small flashdrive was in her palm, old looking and with Skip's name on it. It was obviously either stolen or given from Skip.

Pulling out one of the S.H.I.E.L.D issues laptops given to agents, she quickly accessed and viewed the flashdrive. 

There were hundreds of videos, each labeled different, ominous things. Choosing a random video, she clicked on one labeled "Sunshine".

Chewing her lip in anticipation, she drummed her fingers against her leg as the video booted up. The video began to a shot of a dirty, ratty bed.

Ava watched in growing confusion as a young Peter was shoved into the room and forced onto the bed.

Horror filled her as she realized what was happening. Peter, who couldn't be older than 10, was being sexually assaulted by a much older Skip. 

Exiting out, she clicked on more and more random videos. Desperately, she prayed to a god that she didn't believe in that this wasn't happening. However, each and every one was of Skip, sometimes even other men, forcing themselves into Peter.

Slamming the laptop shut, she grabbed the flashdrive. Feeling like she had to vomit, she stood and raced to Fury's office.

Barging in, she ignored the shocked looks of Tony, Steve, Thor, Falcon, Coulson and Fury.

Slamming the hard drive down in the table, hyperventilating, tears streaked down her face as she collapsed to the ground.

Coulson and Sam went to check and see if she was okay, while Thor grabbed a first-aid kit. Tony and Fury eyed the flash drive, which Tony scanned.

Grabbing the drive, Fury placed it in a drawer as the others either left or helped Ava off the floor. 

After everyone was gone, he plugged the drive into his computer.

As he watched the videos, rage consumed him. Rage, and guilt. Peter had tried warning him about Skip, but Fury had refused to listen.

Marching out of his office, Fury searched for Coulson.

Grabbing his shoulder, Fury dragged Coulson away from the watching Avengers. 

"I watched the videos on the drive." Fury said, rage flowing through him.

"Each and every one of them is a video that Skip took of him abusing Peter, who is probably only 9." Fury snarled, his voice low.

"Oh my god, that's horrible! What did he do?" Coulson questioned, anger shining in his eyes.

"The worst kind if abuse. Sexual abuse." Fury snapped, stopping in front of where Stark's A.I said Skip would be. turning to Coulson, he waited for a response.

"Oh. Uhmm. What are you gonna do?" Coulson asked, voice lowered.

"Break the law." Was all Fury said before he pulled out a gun. 

Kicking down the door, he shot the pedophile in the groin,watching in satisfaction as he screamed in agony. Falling to the floor, Coulson and Fury began to beat the shit out of him.

Sam, Danny and Luke, who were all watching, stared on with shock.

Noticing them, Coulson herded them out while Fury handcuffed the bastard.

 _"After more than 7 years, you finally have justice._ " Fury whispered to the air as he watched the pervert get dragged off by some other agents.

Fury smiled to himself, hoping that wherever Peter was, he knew that he was finally free.

**Author's Note:**

> "I can't seem,  
> To find myself again,  
> My walls are closing in  
> Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just no much pressure to take!  
> I've felt this way before,  
> So insecure!"
> 
> -Crawling, Linkin Park


End file.
